Last Saturday night Mrsdave and I were able to briefly escape the Dave from Albury compound, having left Buster Boy and the Troll Princess in the care of their grandparents, and had dinner with some of the other couples from Apex. At the conclusion of a very convivial meal Mrsdave announced that she wasn’t ready to head home and, as there had been no distress calls from her parents, we should go out dancing. The Bended Elbow was chosen as the venue of choice and so, with a couple of our fellow diners in tow, we headed off.
It’s been quite some time since Mrsdave and I have sampled the nightlife anywhere, and to be honest even when we were more likely to make a nocturnal excursion it usually consisted of finding somewhere that I could drink Guinness all night, so to go out with the aim of dancing provided the opportunity to learn quite a few things.
Here’s what I learnt.
- When you’re in the bar area, all of the music being played has to be old enough to buy its own drinks.
- The laws of gravity do not necessarily hold true near the breasts of large round women (Although I suspect that the laws of Gaffa Tape must have had some bearing on the situation)
- I really do dance like a white man
- For the ladies – Being in your late forties, with a bad dye job and teeth that belong in the 1800s is no impediment to picking up young guys if they’re drunk enough
- For the guys – Being in your late forties, with a comb over and a pot belly is an impediment to picking up young girls. Seriously. They’re not interested mate, go try and pick up the scary blonde who’s pouring drinks down the throat of that high school guy.
- There are still copies of “Can’t touch this” and “Ice Ice Baby” in circulation. And there are people who know every word.
- Apparently it’s safe to hand out pre-mixed bourbon in glass bottles to drunks, but if you want a gin and tonic it’s unsafe to trust you with anything other than a plastic cup.
- Having no understanding of rhythm or tempo is no impediment to becoming a DJ (But it is vital that you remember to call out every birthday girl on the dance floor by name)
- Flannelette never really goes away
- Pubs use the term “Security” very loosely when it comes to their staff.
But most importantly of all
- Mrsdave’s still got it