Things I learnt late on Saturday night

Last Saturday night Mrsdave and I were able to briefly escape the Dave from Albury compound, having left Buster Boy and the Troll Princess in the care of their grandparents, and had dinner with some of the other couples from Apex. At the conclusion of a very convivial meal Mrsdave announced that she wasn’t ready to head home and, as there had been no distress calls from her parents, we should go out dancing. The Bended Elbow was chosen as the venue of choice and so, with a couple of our fellow diners in tow, we headed off.
It’s been quite some time since Mrsdave and I have sampled the nightlife anywhere, and to be honest even when we were more likely to make a nocturnal excursion it usually consisted of finding somewhere that I could drink Guinness all night, so to go out with the aim of dancing provided the opportunity to learn quite a few things.

Here’s what I learnt.

  • When you’re in the bar area, all of the music being played has to be old enough to buy its own drinks.
  • The laws of gravity do not necessarily hold true near the breasts of large round women (Although I suspect that the laws of Gaffa Tape must have had some bearing on the situation)
  • I really do dance like a white man
  • For the ladies – Being in your late forties, with a bad dye job and teeth that belong in the 1800s is no impediment to picking up young guys if they’re drunk enough
  • For the guys – Being in your late forties, with a comb over and a pot belly is an impediment to picking up young girls. Seriously. They’re not interested mate, go try and pick up the scary blonde who’s pouring drinks down the throat of that high school guy.
  • There are still copies of “Can’t touch this” and “Ice Ice Baby” in circulation. And there are people who know every word.
  • Apparently it’s safe to hand out pre-mixed bourbon in glass bottles to drunks, but if you want a gin and tonic it’s unsafe to trust you with anything other than a plastic cup.
  • Having no understanding of rhythm or tempo is no impediment to becoming a DJ (But it is vital that you remember to call out every birthday girl on the dance floor by name)
  • Flannelette never really goes away
  • Pubs use the term “Security” very loosely when it comes to their staff.

But most importantly of all

  • Mrsdave’s still got it

7 thoughts on “Things I learnt late on Saturday night

  1. Well I hope you topped off the night Dave, by going the “whole hog” and joining in the after bar chundering and street wars in trendy Dean Street, and then … back to “The Penthouse” for a night of luuuuuurvin !!

  2. Dear Dave,

    I have never doubted MrsDave’s still got it. She rocks.

    Which makes it more the pity you drag her out to the local nightspots. I have in my dim dark past sampled the A-W nightlife, and found it… unique. Your comments were, and are, hilariously representative – from the little I remember.

    You could do worse, though – like the South Arm Tavern here in Slobart… or the moosehead Bar in Canberra…

  3. Having never sampled AW’s nightlife I cannot really comment on any of your pointers, as much as I can see them having relevance is this neck of the woods, save one – yep I agree – Mrs Dave still got it!!!
    (Come 10pm I’m tuck up in bed like an old Granny, How does Mrs Dave find the energy?)

  4. Ray, as much as I miss the thrill of vomiting in the gutter after the cold night air hits you in the face as you emerge from a seedy bar, I was never able to convince Mrsdave of the joy of it. Clever woman that one.

    Miss A, I think it is unfair to lay the blame at my feet, I was the dragee on this occasion. Naturally I would like to find venues more befitting Mrsdave’s class and charm, but short of selling Buster Boy and the Troll Princess to gypsies, our free time limits us to the delights that Albury has to offer. Of course, if there’s free baby-sitting being offered in Canberra then perhaps we could find a way to get ourselves some more kulcha.

    Miss L, she finds the energy by sleeping in most mornings while BB and TP are berating me.

  5. Oohhh Dave, in my previous abode, thems words ‘id be fiding words’ !
    Mrsdave must also have a great sense of humour or she mustn’t read what you write here…..
    I’m going for the GSOH!

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