You can never go back.

I have a story to share with you all about Mrsdave and how she learnt the maxim ‘You can never go back’ the hard way.

One of Mrsdave’s cherished childhood memories was how much she loved ‘The Pirate Movie’ which, for those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar with it, was a reinterpretation of Gilbert and Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance. Now considering that as a kid my Saturday morning video menu was either Raiders of the Lost Ark or Xanadu, I rarely get a chance to sledge other people’s movie choices; this is one of those chances.

The Pirate movie is, by any objective measure, a smouldering pile of crap. It comes from a time when Australian movie makers felt the need to import B-grade American actors to give their project some reflected glory, and there are few actors more B-grade than Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins. From beginning to end The Pirate Movie gives you more and more reasons to stop watching, there’s really nothing redeeming about it.

About six years ago Mrsdave tried to share her love of The Pirate Movie with our friend Lee and myself. To cut a long story short, we laughed it off the screen, much to the dismay of Mrsdave who subsequently refused to engage in civil conversation with us for the remainder of the day. This incident has long been one of those reference points within our relationship that has been used time and again as a case study of how I am not supposed to behave. But all that changed this week.

Mrsdave recently discovered that a friend of hers had a copy of The Pirate Movie on DVD and eagerly borrowed it hoping to rediscover some childhood magic. What happened was something completely different, and it created a tectonic shift in our marriage. Mrsdave couldn’t sit through the entire film, instead she had to turn it off. What seemed amazing in the 80s was all of a sudden embarrassingly camp. What was worse is that she had to admit that for the last six years, I had been right.

Sometimes it’s best to leave the past behind.

8 thoughts on “You can never go back.

  1. Perhaps mrsdave was dating someone ‘hot’ when she first saw it, Dave, and now (when she watches it with you) it just doesn’t have the same zing to it.

    These things happen. Leanne reckons Jimmy Barnes is ‘the bee’s knees’, when I think he just screams. I’ve got wise though and now I say, “you know, I’ve come to like Barnesy since you wised me up.”

    It works wonders!

  2. What? This is blasphemy!!!

    Tell dear MrsDave to bring the Pirate Movie back, I’ll buy a nice botle of wine ( which in reality, is the ONLY way to appreciate the talent that is Kristy McNichol) and we will sing our way back to the 80’s and remember the simplier times in our lives when yes, we thought Christopher Atkins was cute… and that he could sing….

    Blasphempy Dave… wash your mouth out!

  3. I am interested in movies, both comedic and political
    Without being equivocal, they can be practical and critical
    And I can state without being metaphorical, and truly categorical,
    That this film is without reservation, unwatchably diabolical!

    I remember enjoying the movie as a kid with my sister. In fact, I seem to recall us going to the video store to hire it and getting a stage production of Pirates of Penzance – and being very disappointed. I remember the day that the three of us hired the flick and was glad to realise that I had grown up! It really is a piece of crap. I think they used some of G & S’s score which is about the only redeeming feature. Some spoof movies hold up well such as Space Balls, but not this one.

  4. Dave, good news and bad news.

    Mrs JR thinks Mrs Dave let the sisterhood down badly, become a traitor in fact. That’s the bad news.

    Now for the good news. I hereby give notice that at the next general meeting of the brotherhood, I will move for Mrs Dave to be elected an honorary member, bless her honest soul.

  5. Miss L, I see that my husband has beaten me to the punch but just to bring home that point a little more, ‘The Pirate Movie’ is so a two-bottle plus experience (and that is for each of us).

    And JR, thank you and I accept 🙂

  6. Well, Mrs Dave, no need to thank me. In fact can I take a rain check on that? It’s gonna be sooooo bloody cold in the old dog house to night after Mrs JR read your reply.

    And now I’m in for a forced watching of the the said movie. Help me, anyone?

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