Working for The Man.

Two interesting emails in my inbox this morning.

1. We’ve just had our two biggest quarters ever and have smashed all our goals.

2. We need to cut costs across the board because the Global Financial Crisis™ will doom us all.

Ah, the joys of working for a multinational.

7 thoughts on “Working for The Man.

  1. Shareholders’ value has been enhanced, however

    “If we do not meet the synergy targets for H1 2009 through this second VR programme it is likely we will move to compulsory redundancies, subject to consultation with employee representatives”

    I think that means that some of us are getting the sack if we don’t shove off. At least we spell programme correctly.

  2. For some reason it’s no longer enough to make a profit (and thus cover all your expenses with some cream left over). No, a corporation must show a profit increase of x% and grow, grow, grow. How this is either realistic or sustainable is beyond the grasp of a simple peon such as myself.

  3. Hey, I could send a bank down the shitter as well as the next man. Just put me in charge, pay me a few tens of millions per year then sit back and watch how fast I lose hundreds of billions of dollars with bad investments and plain old fashioned fraud (if packaging up debts that had no chance of being repaid and then on-selling them as a triple A rated security isn’t fraud then I don’t know what is). Then I’ll bail myself out with a nice golden parachute and it’s off to the Hamptons. You can come for a sail on my yacht if you like.

  4. You see lemmiwinks, you’re still thinking small. The genius of our financial overlords isn’t just that they packed off shitty securities on dodgy mortgages, it was that they sold them off over and over and over again, all based on the same set of mortgages.

    Now if we tried to sell a single item 392 times on ebay, chances are we’d be in the shit, but these brilliant minds were able to keep selling the same crap over and over unhindered by regulation or common sense. This is why we need to risk the productive parts of the economy to keep them afloat, the clever people must be financially rewarded! Or indicted, but that seems unlikely.

    Oh, and I’d love to come on your yacht by the way.

  5. You’re right of course Dave, I’m not worthy of my weekender in the Hamptons. I’ll turn in the keys at the front desk on my way out (but I’m keeping the yacht, golden parachute and all that.)

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