If you don’t like coffee, don’t order it.

I was enjoying a quick break with Mrsdave at one of our favourite coffee houses this afternoon when a woman walked in and decided to insult the barista. I’ll repost what I tweeted at the time.

A woman here just ordered a large, half strength latte. Why not just order a Horlicks & be done with it?

A large latte is already weak, because as a rule it has no more coffee, just more milk, so to ask for it to be made half strength really begs the question, what the hell do you think you’re buying?

I have no problem if people don’t like coffee, whether it’s the taste, the caffeine hit or because you’ve only ever been given international roast, but if that’s the case, why order it? People confuse me no end.

May all your humiliations be discrete.

I have a nasty habit upon observing small or inadvertent mistakes, whether they be by friends or family, of amplifying these opportunities for ridicule, berating the poor soul with them and then storing them away for later use, like in a speech at a wedding. I think that it’s a hyperactive defence mechanism that grew out of being bullied at school, but my psychologist says that I’m just an arsehole. Either way, it means that I am generally very careful not to make too many howlers, lest they be given similar treatment.

Continue reading “May all your humiliations be discrete.”